inspired...i think?

urgh. ungh. huff. sigh...and i'm sure there's a snort in there somewhere. no, it's not swamp thing coming to attack me and eat me alive (though that might be a good alternative...did i say that??). it's me, procrastinating.

precious babyman, a.k.a. "the child" as he has become of late, is sleeping soundly, and i am sitting at my almost clutter free desk, cup of coffee in hand, ready for round number two of studying today. but i can't do it. i want to, but i can't. there's a block. (i have NOOO discipline, can you tell??). i've browsed online sales for workout clothes. perused the pioneer woman's blog. balanced my checkbook. paid bills. sent a text to my husband (or 3). gone to get a second cup of coffee...and a third...thinking about a fourth, and maybe some hershey's kisses this time! hmmm...

no, i resisted. still sitting here. still not studying. so i suppose i best do something productive at least! i think i'll share my latest peripheral? ephemeral? logically dreaming? scheme with you. you'll note my english major is failing me again... i am searching for a word there that describes a shifting, subtle, nagging, not quite formed urge that is growing stronger each day...got any clues??

in the past week i have had several conversations with several different friends about the nature of complaining vs. thanksgiving. as in, why, oh WHY is it so much easier to complain? to see what needs to be improved? what could be improved, whether it needs it or not? how much easier-better-simpler-more luxurious-enjoyable whatever your life could be if only ...(fill in the blank). why is it so much more difficult to consistently think about what has already been accomplished/improved? what you appreciate that you already have? how much you have been spared, and be grateful for that? how much more health-wealth-peace-happiness-love-(fill in the blank) you have than some others, or than what state you could be in?

so, in lieu of going on forever on those points (which, trust me, have been discussed at length between said friends and i), i concocted a plan. we'll see how well i stick to it-how faithful i am to this brainchild. but i'd like to challenge myself (dear heavens, why is it a challenge???) to think about and record just one thing each day i am grateful for. and not in a cheesy, it's november and it's-time-for-the-thanksgiving-prayer-to-sound-good-to-the-rest-of-the-inlaws kind of way...i'm utterly sincere. how much more joy will i get out of my life if i can desist picking things apart and looking for what i'm missing, focusing instead on the great gifts God has granted me? Say a prayer that God continues not only to bless me and those i love, but that he helps me with this sight...to be able to truly see the things i'm appreciative of.

my hope is for greater enjoyment in life. to improve my demeanor, to make the lives of those around me happier. this sounds OH SO SAPPY, and honestly, truly, that is not my intent. i just think it will be a neat exercise. i never really committed to any lenten schedule this year, and, not that this is a sacrifice, i think this will serve a similar purpose in grounding me.

here goes...
Today, i am thankful for those friends I mentioned, and for those conversations that inspired this desire to actively focus on the positives. God put each of you in my life for a reason, and I am most grateful for your presence. you know who you are!