channeling...

oh how embarrasing. pitiful, pitiful. shame on me. but i swear, i am inspired.

a friend told me about the Pioneer Woman blog (Ree Drummond... http://thepioneerwoman.com) a month or so ago, and i have been shamelessly hooked ever since. now...that's not the shameful part (as i said, shamelessly). the shameful part is the comparisons i have started making to my own life, to my own "Marlboro Man".

when i started reading the "high heels to tractor wheels" saga, i found myself longing for that passion, that romance, that perfect meeting, perfect progression of dates...and hating myself for it. but by about the eighth entry, i started to realize "wait a second...this IS us. this IS our first meeting...our progression...our passion...our differences...even my ring!!!". all of the sudden i was so excited - i DO have that passion! i DO have that perfection!...(i just don't write about it so convincingly...or entertainingly!) wait-is that a word??

a portrait of me...city girl? check. (well, so far as it wasn't water valley) grew up on a golf course? check. wildly ambitious? check. food and cooking lover? check. emotionally volatile? check. falling in love with someone SOOO not on the radar? check. smitten with my man? check.

portrait of M.M. eakes? country boy? check (well...water valley counts, right??). man of few words? check, check, check! family man? check. casually mentions wanting enough kids to form his own basketball team? check. permanently alters young girl's dream of Chicago (oops, I mean Ireland) by entering said young girl's life and falling in love, getting married shortly thereafter? check.

i swear, if our wedding had been in september instead of april, it would have really been eerie. all this to say, channeling the pioneer woman has not been an altogether bad thing!

so...now i dream of beautiful photography, witty blog entries (oh just quit...a girl can dream, right?), four children (yes, four...i've always said three, now four isn't looking so crazy...yet we seem to be stuck at one!!?), a ranch in the middle of God's country
...aww, maybe not so much. but a home in new hampshire? scotland? ireland perhaps??

sigh. i've had a few nights at home by myself lately, and you can tell that between the clomid and that, i'm a bit batty. here's an example...the following is a text progression from tonight. ben is helping some friends, and won't be home until well after 1am (again...it was 3am a few days ago). seeing as he's on the road, i had some concerns and (of course) wanted him to know how cherished and missed he is...

me: you safe?

me: babyman was SOOO sweet tonight. didn't want a bath, but a shower. heck, i needed one anyway, so shower we did. he brushed teeth with mommy, picked out jammies and listened happily to 3 books...said prayers and was out!!! just woke a few minutes ago saying "peepee daddy?", but sweetly accepted me, hugging and patting my back on way to bathroom...did his deed, yawned, and went back to sleep. precious angel!!! :)

me: by the way...i know you're probably driving, but please text something...anything!...back. i'm missing you. :(

me: not while you're driving, of course!...when you stop!

ben: K

(20 minutes later...and you'll note just how loquacious he is)
ben: at airport. flight delayed leaving va.

me: :(

me: I am in bed. eating almond cookies. dreaming of fitting into skinny jeans. watching olympic skater woman people and wondering why I can't be that fit...

ummm...could it be the cookies??? (tee hee)


i swear, i really shouldn't publish this post. but in true pioneer woman fashion, i must bare my soul as is. promise me you won't be too embarrassed to talk to me next time you see me!